Overcoming Shyness, Embracing Songwriting, and Finding HappinessJul 18, 2022
Joyce grew up as a shy child and didn't have a dream of what she wanted to be. She followed in her sisters' footsteps and went to the same college as them. She became a registered dietitian and did an internship in Rochester, New York. She met her husband, who wanted to own a men's clothing store. They moved to Houston, Texas, and they had a lot of success. After 12 years, they were able to move to their own custom built building. Joyce has an abundance mindset.
(The following text has been transcribed)
Hello and welcome back to KimTalks. I'm your host, Kim Hayden, and I am super super grateful that you are taking time to share your time with us because I know how valuable it is. It's crazy. And I am coming once again from my sister face mezzo not in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, but down here in Wichita, Kansas, getting the opportunity to visit with my family and taking time to kind of re-energize ties by myself and annoy my mother. But that's my job in life. I'm the oldest child and I'm supposed to do that. So here Kim talks. We, you know, we're here, we just take time to share stories of insight and inspiration in life, love and business with resilient women from around the world. But real quick, today's episode was brought to you by Queen of a Resilient Knot Shop. So it's our online store here at Kim Docks. And it's got a bit of sass and a lot of fun. So straighten your crown, shop around at Queen of our Resilience Shop. Today's guests I know. I love doing it. I love to sound like an Ed McMahon commercial. So everybody bear with me. There's a reason why my mother's glad I live five states away, but on and forward I am super excited. I've been working to connect with Joyce for a few months now, and we finally brought it together. So today I'm going to introduce Joyce Marie. So during her transformation, transforming years from being an unfulfilled Burned-out business owner, I think we all can relate a little bit to this. Joyce Marie became passionate about her personal development. She unexpectedly discovered her gift of songwriting in 2005 and now, as an author, speaker, songwriter and happiness expert, Joyce Marie uses her gifts as songwriting and singing encouraging people to find their inner peace and happiness. She shows fast, fun and efficient ways to do just that. Her second book, A Rise to the New You Questions, Quotes and lyrics to lead you to this To Succeed will soon be published. We're super excited to even talk about that today. So, you know, Joyce, welcome.
Thank you so much, Kim. I'm really excited and happy to be here.
Oh, this is awesome. You know what? I love singing, but it's nurture and songs that it's only two small children who can't get in the cars and run away. So maybe I can learn how to carry a tune. So. So, Joyce, share with us a little bit. I'd like to give a little bit of background as to, you know, where you're at and who you are.
Well, right. Well, I grew up as a very, very shy child, so it's kind of amazing to be where I am now. I've gone through a lot. I didn't like being shy, so I just did whatever I could to overcome that. And I didn't have a dream of what I wanted to be when I was a child. I was the middle child of seven and felt very unloved, and didn't get a lot of attention. Being the middle child so I just had this issue about feeling unloved. I felt like I was adopted and I didn't even like heart symbols. It was like I shut myself off from anything that was about love. I didn't like what I said, I didn't know what I wanted to do. So I just kind of followed in the footsteps of my two older sisters, went to the same college, chose the same major. And then that changed when the nutrition professor suggested that I become a registered dietitian rather than going into the world of fashion because there were more job opportunities. So I trusted her not knowing what better to do and did that. And that led me to doing a dietetic internship in Rochester, New York. And I was in Texas. That's where that's my native state. So I went to Rochester, New York, and it was at that internship where I met my husband, and he had a dream to own a men's clothing store. And I loved his dream. And we fell in love and got married and moved back. Well, we moved to Texas. I didn't even have to ask him. When I brought him to Texas, he loved it. So we moved to Houston, Texas. And opened a men's clothing store, later adding women's clothing. And we had a lot of success. It was pretty amazing. Even professional athletes came to our store. So that was all very exciting. And after 12 years, we were able to move to our own custom built building. And we that kind of came about because we felt like we worked for the landlord because they have what they call a triple net lease. I'm not sure if this is still true, but once we reach a certain amount of sales, we have to pay a percentage to the landlord. So that's why we felt like we were working for the landlord. So that was kind of a propeller to get us to have our own building and we did that. But then, you know, it was all good until working six or seven days a week really got to us and always hearing about our customers, talking about all their vacations that we didn't have time to take. So yeah, we got really burned out and I was beginning to feel unfulfilled because I was mostly doing a lot of paperwork, including the bookkeeping. And that was, that was my choice when we started because I had heard in the news about bookkeepers who embezzle from their employers. So I was not going to let that happen. And so that just created a whole lot of extra work for me.
Oh, yeah. And if it's not where your nature is, what you love, what fulfills it, it's twice as hard to do anything that is not native to you or Blewitt. Right? And so it's like when you learn a second language you have to stop and think about it and it's twice as hard to use a second language until you become fluent in it and very few people are. So I mean, I could not do bookkeeping. I just hope I'm not getting ripped off. I'm pretty sure I can.
Have an abundance mindset like I like, like I had a scarcity mindset back then. Yeah. Then I've learned about having an abundance mindset, you know, you attract what you think of that. So if I was thinking about that, I could find a wonderful bookkeeper. I, I probably could have.
So we look at this, you started out following in your older sister's footsteps and they were in fashion. Is that correct?
That was what their major was.
Okay, so they're in fashion, but then somebody came along and said, You should go into nutrition because this is where there's more jobs. So again, almost like looking at things from a scarcity point, a point of view right you should do this because you may not be able to achieve that. You met a partner and that had a shared passion and yet that shared passion got overshadowed by having some scarcity mindset. So you didn't give out the jobs that would make you tired and exhausted. You thought that this was very interesting. It's interesting cause so far I'm seeing that kind of thing. So. So tell us about what you do now. And then I want to dove a little bit into how that shifted.
Okay. Well, what I do now all came about when we like, we got sober. My husband also got so burned out on the business working so many hours and that we were just working all the time. And all I could think about was, I mean, I really wanted to do something else, but it's like I have no clue what else we could do to earn a living. And I don't have time to figure it out. But luckily, a friend introduced us to network marketing, and I loved the product line, and I love the business idea that we could start this on a part time basis. And then what I really became passionate about was all the personal development that I was being introduced to through this So we started going to personal development workshops, and at one of these I discovered that was where I discovered my gift of songwriting. We had a workshop called Life Directions. So one of our last exercises to do was to write a song about what we had learned during this event. We had 8 minutes to do it. It was to have a chorus and verses. And then at the end of 8 minutes, we were to sing our song to our group of three. I did that and there were two life coaches also next to me, and they all loved my song and were urging me to go on stage and sing it to everyone. So I was still thinking about I guess there was still in the back of my mind that shyness that I grew up with. But I had overcome a lot of that because of network marketing. I had gotten good at cold calling on the phone. I had overcome the telephone phobia, which I'd grown up with. Those were big challenges to me. But then here was this thing to go on stage in front of all these people. And the other thing was just days earlier, I had been mugged, so my left arm was in a sling. It was a broken arm and I had an injured right knee. So I was using a crutch. But somehow I knew that I really wanted to do this. So I just called up my courage and I hobbled over that stage and I got on stage and I started singing and I just loved every minute of it. It was an entirely original song. Singing without musical accompaniment. And then at the end of the event, I thanked the presenter and he said, I thought you were professional. So you can imagine how that made me feel.
Amazing. And this is coming from somebody who has said that you are shy.
That is incredible. So really stepping out. And that is the one thing that I think a lot of people don't realize, that there is a background to network marketing, that a lot of network marketing has a lot of motivational pieces within it. So they all have. So they all have motivational coaches within the organization or, you know, so that is an absolute plus side effect to network marketing visibility and a different mindset to corporate and to entrepreneurship. So in real estate, we don't necessarily because real estate always operates as independent contractors. And if you're in a corporation, you're part of a hive, whereas network marketing seems to be kind of like a collective in my opinion.
Well, I didn't last in network marketing. It didn't work out for us.
But it is better to introduce you. Yeah, introduce Stu to the, the positive, what I think is a positive side of network marketing, and that is the collective mindset mandates that most of these companies do have.
Yeah. No. And also the products helped my health so I mean, it was all good.
All good. Okay. So now we're moving forward. We're not tired, burned out at the business. You are in network marketing. But this doesn't maybe have the full road in front of it that you thought potentially it would. But you've been introduced to that motivational side of things, and now you discovered your songwriting. Tell me a little bit more about that whole process and to where you are today as a published author and mentor coaching everything that you're doing.
Okay. Well, after learning that I had the skip to songwriting I was like, I really wanted to do something with it. I felt like this is part of my mission. I was supposed to do something. And so I got an I was in a course that part of it was starting a blog, and I did that. It's called Lessons From Lyrics. And so I would write little stories that would include my inspirational lyrics. And I really enjoyed writing those. But this was supposed to be the blog was supposed to make money and I couldn't see how this was going to happen. It was such an effort to get those stories online. All the tech stuff that was involved doing keyword research, etc., etc. that I'll just spoil the joy that I got from writing the blog post. And another issue with starting the blog was my instructor said, You gotta put your picture online. And that was really scary for me. But I did what she said and that was okay. That was another part of the shyness issue. I guess I'm just a very private person, but I just managed to do that anyway.
Now I understand. Trust me, I do understand Okay.
So I can't remember. I mean, so I didn't see that.
You did the blog and the blog was so one of the things is blogs, books. These types of things do not actually make money if you're not a known entity. Right. If you don't have a gazillion million people in your email database, you will not make money off of this because nobody is going to pay you sponsorship money. Right. Where blogs work is if you have a product that you can help start promoting, you have to become your own sponsor. So how are you going to become your own sponsor and it's unfortunate that a lot of people don't really share the truth behind these because it's the three keys that can crush your spirits. It's time to check the talent you put in all the time. You don't. The tech is overwhelming and they start questioning your talent, right? Why is nobody listening so, okay, so you're doing this blog. It's starting to become a time suck is starting to suck your energy. So, you know, how does that go from blog to author to, you know, what's that journey look like?
Okay. So I got and I got another group called. It's called Ambassadors for Peace. So you had to apply to be in this. And in that we were two right and self-published a little mini book. And so I based that kind of on what I was doing in my blog. And even though the course kind of fell apart, they didn't quite get us to the end. I learned enough to get it self-published. So I'm very grateful that I actually did that. You know, you get quite a feeling from being a published author, even though it's a little mini book. But it was called Lessons from All It is called Lessons From Lyrics How to Discover Your Value and Find Happiness. So I, of course, include my lyrics and just little stories and my sister in law gave it to her daughter, whose friend was going through a divorce. And her friend told her that a little booking helped her so much. Of course, that made me feel great and amazing. Yeah, that was so I was beginning to see that trying to make money from, I guess the singing and songwriting wasn't happening. So I started getting lured by all these different courses about making money online and got that shiny object symptom syndrome that was jumping from one course to another, trying to figure out a way to make money. And I just wasn't working. And now when I started getting back into my songs and songwriting, it's like things were just starting to flow, even though not bringing in money, but everything is like I was attracting things to me that I would have never expected. So I strongly encourage people to follow your passion, especially if you know, you really strongly call it and see what happens.
So tell us a little bit. Okay. So before we dove into that, I'm going to ask everybody out there and I want to put this right in the middle of the podcast in case somebody picks it up and chops front end all back end, whatever. Make sure that you like to subscribe, comment and share, because that's the only way we're going to grow this platform to give this platform for amazing women with great stories. Women who are here working in their own unique way to make this world a little bit better. So, so not making money. People still need to make money. Joyce So now you're in a space where you are going back to what feeds your soul That's the songwriting and the, the music and how that starts bringing people together. So tell me about where you're at today within your business cycle and what you're offering people.
Well, I kind of had to restart things due to health issues. I was having big eczema problems, which I had encountered many years earlier, and my husband was really helpful during that time. And then I got better and then his health started to decline as is his. He developed dementia. And I became his caregiver for over three and a half years.
And during that time, just because of the personal development stuff, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I just had gratitude all the time for all he'd ever done for me, which was a lot. He was a wonderful husband, and it was just sad to see him like that. But during this time, I even wrote a song about gratitude called Dear God, IOU, and that was during this month. So the gratitude and the personal development that I had gone through that got me through this time with pretty much grace and ease. It was definitely challenging, I can say that. And then when he passed away, I was able to handle the grief again. Because of the personal development and just my spiritual connection that I had developed through all of this. So just working on yourself in personal development is just so vital to having a happier life. And I can't remember what else unsolicited.
You know, you're absolutely right. And that, I think, is a space that we women over 50 mind, body and soul. They say what you eat is what you are when they talk about your physical body. What we ingest mentally is what our soul reflects. Right. And I made a conscious decision about six months ago where I actually only read my news. I no longer get any video because I don't want other people's body language influencing mine. And I really gauge when I'm done, does this feed my soul or is this draining me? It does not mean that I am ignorant to where the world's at. Or anything that's going on. I'm just very cautious to protect my energy and who I am so I can keep my levels where they need to be in order to help others or be able to inspire others, or even just to be a big comic relief. It's like whatever you get from me, have at her. So we're going to come back around. So you've developed all this and we now know why. It's like we've gone through the journey of literally going all the way back to that middle child, feeling like, where's my place? Where's my place? You know, am I even seen? And worse. And you know what, Joyce? This is actually a very common thing. I hear from a lot of people that when we grow up in spaces where there's a lot of where you can almost disappear, it does project forward, right? Am I in, am I a value and then going to school and just following the footsteps, but then being told what you should. Like, there was a lot of input all the way through here. And then the burnout because and I do get that because I've been an entrepreneur my entire life and I do get vacation envy because I mean, even just taking this train, this this seven days, I have a community prior to garage sales where we raise food and pay completely out of pocket for all the promotions, for the garage sale kits, for everything in benefit of the food bank. I'm out of town and we had a tech glitch and some and some things didn't happen. And I've never in 22 years gotten an angry emoji on anything. And I got an angry emoji and completely reset my mind. It's like, you know, so what can you do? People got upset because they didn't get the exact but it's just one of those things, right? So where are we putting our energy? So taking a step back from that. So you've gone through all of this. You've done entrepreneur entrepreneurship, small business ownership, and now you're over here and you've gone through all these life journeys lessons and lyrics and, and you've got all this going on and you, you. So how do you apply this within your, let's say, business world coaching, world, mentorship world? How do you apply this and how do you help others?
Well, because, I mean, I just keep studying personal development. I have had so many different mentors and learned so much from them. So I especially like to incorporate that in my lyrics. And then it was I'm not sure exactly when this started, but I started writing with what I now call harmonic mantras. So they are like musical affirmations instead of just saying some statement of a declaration or whatever, you know what you want I make it a little song such as I Am Joyce Marie, and I am free to love myself and condition So I really love doing those because I love things that are fast and efficient. And to me, this is very time efficient because just like their songs. So you know how songs will stay in your head, right?
Absolutely. They actually use music therapy and in retirement homes and in dementia centers, because it is proven now unequivocally that once you get that music in your mind, it takes you to that space right? It helps improve memory and clarity in that memory. And, you know, I absolutely. You're preaching to the choir because our music is absolutely a proven entity. So you do the after mission affirmations in a harmonic way and you teach people how to do this. Do you do courses online? Do you do retreats like, how do you connect this skill set, this mentorship with people?
Well, that's what's coming. I've got all my ducks in a row for chorus and group coaching. And my book needs yet to be finished. There just have been a lot of interruptions that are good interruptions and you know, the challenges always show up. So that's all a good thing. So it's all coming together really well. It's just like I said, when you're doing something you're really meant to be doing, it's amazing what shows up for you.
Absolutely. And I can actually see how you can be a part of some of these women's conferences, women, because a lot of times there's usually somebody that does a 15 minute exercise between all the different speakers, but they'll come on two or three times and really work with the room. And I could actually see you doing something like that because what you're teaching and sharing is, is, is high energy. So first break creating your mantra. Yeah. Break into that, figuring out your, your harmony. And third brake sharing that, you know, so I could totally see that. But I love, I love I'm, I'm that I'm like, you know, you want to sing, I'll sing nobody me like I'll sing my.
Singing is so good for you.
Hello. I've watched Elf. Have you seen Elf where Will Ferrell does? Okay, so Will Ferrell, the movie The Christmas movie Elf. I'm singing. I'm singing because he talks about how singing you're loud and clear for all to hear. Oh, share the joy. And he can't. The man could not carry a tune for love or money in the movie, but it was so true that joy you can get from sharing that, you know, and you get I think you get lost in your own rhythm. You know, you can get carried away and just you get that moment for your heart to re realign and everything.
Yeah, I know there's lots of people who don't think they don't sing well and they probably had somebody early in life telling them that they weren't good. Are you hearing an echo all of a sudden? I start hearing an echo.
No, no, echo. On this side.
Okay, good. So my husband had attempted to take he wanted to be he wanted to sing this way before I knew him. And he went to a vocal coach who didn't want to work with him. He says, Oh, save your money, you know. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I would hear him sing. And he definitely sang OFF-KEY, but it was kind of amazing once I discovered this gift of singing and songwriting, and while I was singing my songs, he started singing along with me. And then as time went on, I noticed he was singing on Key. So there's this music teacher, vocal coach, whatever. He does a lot of things here. Bristow and I had bought some of his training, and he teaches that everybody can sing along.
To your rhymes. I know nursery rhymes. I did nursery rhymes with kids for 15 years, and now I sing to all of my, my grandbaby and, and my sister's kids are much younger, so I'm that one I love my nurturance. So let's talk about books. Tell us about your book that's coming up. We're going to put it right out in the universe that you're going to get this finished. Get it on the shelves for us.
Panel. Tell us about that book.
Okay, so it's called A Rise to the New You Questions, Quotes and lyrics to Leave You to Succeed the lyrics. And there are mine. And so it's got little short stories in there that illustrate what I'm teaching. And it's a journal. So there will be lots of room, lots of questions that I'm asking to help you figure out what it is you should be doing, etc., etc. There's just a lot to it. So I.
It will be very helpful.
Absolutely. Absolutely. And that is the blessing of the last few years that we've been gifted is that those of us who have come through the last few years and have a positive space in mind have really seen the opportunities to live our lives just a little bit fuller. To pursue the things that feed our souls. Right. So where can people find you?
Well, I have a web page called Harmonic Yes. Dot com, where I'm talking about the harmonic mantras and where you can choose to receive my guide that tells a lot about harmonic mantras, how you can use them, even though you may not have the tune to them, how do you use them? And I've also included like, oh, I don't know how many different mantras I have in there, but I have a lot of different categories. So I think there's anybody that likes mantras in any way would find something beneficial from this. So again, that's it. Harmonic. Yes. Dot com and then I don't want it.
Yes. Dot com. Yes. And we'll make sure that link and any other links and books referenced in this or in the, the part the blog itself And you know what? Instead of asking you a quote, I'd like for you to close this conversation out with the mantra that you shared earlier, the same with yours. If you could sing that for us one more time. And then I want to challenge everybody to take this exact harmonic mantra that Joyce is sharing with us and put your name in. Joyce, can you share that with us again?
I'd be happy to. I am Joyce Murray and I am free to love myself unconditionally.
That is beautiful, Joyce. Thank you for being all that you are, and thank you for coming through. Challenges, which every person has a challenge. But looking at the cup half full and deciding to share that optimism and the gift of gratitude and giving us tools that even the days that aren't good, we can find something good within it. I do appreciate you very much.
Thank you. I appreciate that you had last night as your guest. I really enjoyed it with you.
Awesome. You know what? Again, please, like, subscribe, comment and share. Let's keep this positivity, the resiliency, keep this moving forward and finding the women out there that inspire us from all around the world. And, you know, if you're feeling your resiliency is lagging just a bit. Be sure to listen and lean into our resilient community. You know, join us totally free of charge. Right now. You're going to go to Resilience Giphy.com and get your free membership. I'm not asking for any of your credit cards. There's going to be no sneaky renewals. This is literally me sharing out the gift of resiliency through the stories and inspirations of women from around the world. And if you have a story of resilience that you would like to share, DM me on Instagram at Resilience Series and let's see what we can do to help you share your story further. So celebrating and showcasing female founders, coaches, entrepreneurs, authors, speakers, and those who aspire to be any and all of the above. Until next time. I'm Kim Hayden. I'm your host, and I am so grateful for your time.
During her transforming years from being an unfulfilled, burned out business owner, Joyce Marie became passionate about personal development. She unexpectedly discovered her gift of songwriting in 2005. And now as an author, speaker, songwriter, and happiness expert, Joyce Marie uses her gifts of songwriting and singing in coaching people to find inner peace and happiness. She shows fast, fun, and efficient ways to do that. Her second book, Arise to the New You - Questions, Quotes, and Lyrics to Lead You to Succeed, will soon be published.
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